Employer Expectations or How Not to Get Fired – a PowerPoint Presentation

This was the PowerPoint presentation I used with my students about employer expectations.  I also called it my ‘how not get fired’ presentation. Of course, it doesn’t contain as much information as the chapter in Hey, Get a Job! does, but it’s a nice outline. Simply click on the word “expectations” below.

 

expectations

Be a Leader in the Fight Against Harassment

Tom’s bullying began in the sixth grade because, Tom believes, he is outspoken, a good student, not at all athletic, and very religious.  When the bullying became not only verbal but physical, Tom went to his school counselor.  The counselor told him, ‘kids will be kids’ and ‘he just needed to toughen up.’

In the seventh grade, students called Tom gay, shoved, pushed, hit and played keep away with his things.  Harassers sent him messages via text and computer threatening his physical well-being and directing Tom to kill himself.  After a particularly nasty incident in band class, the boys involved, including Tom, were sent to administration.  The principal decided that what these boys needed was to, ‘learn how to get along.’  She required them to do a service project together.  This made Tom feel as if he was at fault, and it certainly did not make his situation better.  It did make Tom refuse to seek help again.

By the end of Tom’s seventh grade year, his bullying was so severe, persistent and pervasive, he developed stress related illnesses.  Tom would shake uncontrollably at times, and at others, he would simply fall down.  On the first day of his eighth grade year, Tom fell seven times.  Tom’s grandparents, who were his legal guardians, were worried.  They took him to see countless doctors,  he was hospitalized for three days, and he missed a lot of school.  There were meetings with the school, 504 plans developed, but no one made a connection between bullying and Tom’s symptoms.

When Tom became suicidal, his grandparents pulled him out of his school and placed him in a different school district.  They got him help through private counseling.  Today, Tom is doing well and speaks out about his experience because he and his grandparents want to educate others about the seriousness of the bullying epidemic happening in our country.  They do not blame educators, nor do they blame themselves.  They simply see a need for education, communication and a willingness to work together as communities, schools, parents and children to stop harassment.

Unfortunately, Tom’s story is not an uncommon one.  Fighting the current bullying epidemic must begin somewhere.  If harassment is going to be stopped, it will take educators, parents and students working together.  In order to be effective, this team will need leaders.  Are you prepared to take ownership of the problem and become a leader in order to stop bullying?

Parents and adults who work with kids have to be there for them.  The difficulty in this, of course, is children often do not want to talk about their victimization.  Whether they are speaking or not, there are things we can do.

• Become educated about harassment.  Know what constitutes harassment and the laws and policies surrounding it.   Then can you provide support, guidance and empathy.   Thomas needed educated adults to help him.
• Trust your instincts.  If you feel like there is something wrong, there is.  Pay attention to changes in routines, appearance, behavior, friends and activities.  Thomas’ grades dropped, he quit band and he became ill.
• Ask open-ended questions.  It takes perseverance and open-ended questions to get kids to talk.  Be sure to focus on what happened or what is happening rather than feelings.  For example, Thomas, you’ve always enjoyed band, why don’t you want to be a band member?

• Practice genuine listening.  Don’t lecture or give advice.  Allow kids to come to solutions on their own.  Thomas needed someone to listen.  What he got was unhelpful advice.
• Help kids become assertive.  Assertive people act in their own best interest without hurting others, stand up for themselves, are proactive, have integrity, are respected team members and leaders, and are not afraid to ask for help.  Helping kids become assertive is pointing them toward a lifetime of happiness.  In order to truly guide children to assertiveness, however, you must first be an assertive personality yourself.

With the help of private counseling, family and others, Thomas is an assertive, happy young man.  His story, however, makes us realize that if the adults in his life would have been assertive, educated and ready to listen, his harassment could have been stopped much sooner.

http://www.heybackoff.com

Auschwitz – A Visitor’s Story

The bus left us in a large gravel lot in front of the visitor’s center.  A grandmotherly woman waited for us inside.  I purchased tickets like I would for an amusement park and handed them to my traveling companions, Bert (short for Roberta) and Jeanne.

I said, “See that group over there? They’re English and they get a tour guide.  Want to blend in with them?”

“How are we going to blend in Jen?” Jeanne asked.  “There’s nobody under the age of sixty five and they’re clean and nicely dressed.  We look like crap.”

Jeanne was a Barbie look alike, so if she thought she looked like crap, it must be so. I ran a hand through my unruly brown hair and attempted to smooth the wrinkles from my shirt.  I realized that we looked like three college girls experiencing the ultimate freedom of traveling Europe with nothing but a backpack and a Eurorail pass.  It had been two days since our last shower and longer since we washed our clothes.  But still, it was my idea to visit Auschwitz and I was set on having a guide.

I stopped attempting to primp.  “I’m not saying we need to walk arm in arm with them.  Just act casual.”

“Those are famous last words aren’t they?” Bert said, but she was already gathering her jet black hair away from her round, native Alaskan face to put in a pony.

I took my place on the fringe of the group.  Jeanne and Bert attempted to hide behind my 5’ 11” thin frame.  A white haired man with a name tag attached to a yellow sweater vest approached.  He said with a Polish accent, “Is this my group?  Please follow me.”

We purposely hung back and arrived last at a large black metal gate.  At the top of the gate was written Arbeit Macht Frei.

“Good afternoon, my name is Peter.”  Despite his accent, he was easy to understand.  “I have lived in this area my whole life.  I was a boy when the Nazis came, and I was barely a teen when they started to use Auschwitz for exterminations.  Everyone who was able from the area was made to work for them.  My job was to unload suitcases from train cars when the prisoners arrived.  If I did not work, if I refuse, then my family would be killed or become prisoner here.”

Bert, Jeanne and I glanced at one another.  We were no longer lighthearted.

Peter gestured to the sign.  “It means work makes freedom.  The prisoners were to believe if they worked hard the Nazis would let them go.”  He walked through the gate.  His tour group followed obediently.

I never believed in ghosts, spirits or the supernatural in general.  That was, until I walked through that gate.  When Bert audibly deflated and Jeanne grabbed my shirt at the elbow, I knew I wasn’t the only one who felt an oppressive presence.  The place was haunted.

Peter’s tone was reverent.  “The grounds you see in front of you did not look like this then.”

He paused while we scanned lush lawn surrounding red brick buildings and young trees lining a dirt road before continuing.  “You see, prisoners ate grass, leaves, tree bark, anything that grew.  Sometimes they ate the dirt.”  He pointed to the high fence wrapped with razor wire surrounding the camp.  Signs were placed about every ten feet warning of electrocution.  “Guards were stationed by the fence not so prisoners could not escape, but so they wouldn’t run into the fence to end their suffering.”

Peter walked toward one of the buildings.  I was no longer sure I wanted to see a concentration camp.  I was experiencing history.  I could feel it in the pit of my stomach.

Peter told us over his shoulder we were entering what had once been the women’s block.  The bunks were removed to make room for displays.  We entered a spacious room with enlarged photos on the walls.  “Guards took these photos,” Peter said.  “They wanted to document everything here.”

I was particularly horrified by a picture of a long line of children marching to death, too young to be useful.  Other photos captured emaciated, unreal looking people working at various hard labor tasks.  All those abused people were not looking at a camera, they were looking at me.

Sitting in history classes at school I thought I knew what it was all about.  I knew nothing because I never felt anything regarding World War II.  I didn’t see the connection between the atrocities that happened then and those that occur because of prejudice and intolerance every day in our so-called modern society.

Peter spoke, but I didn’t listen.  I was captivated by all those people in the pictures who saw my prejudices, knew about those times when I was the bully, and perhaps worse, the times when I didn’t stand up for a victim because it didn’t have anything to do with me.  The photos weren’t on display for me.  I was on display for them.  I didn’t like what they saw.  I turned away.

“Jews were not the only targets,” Peter said.  “There were also Gypsies, Jehovah’s Witnesses, criminals and homosexuals.”  Peter gestured to a collage of labels.  “The Star of David, of course, was the Jews, Jehovah’s Witnesses wore violet triangles, criminals a green triangle, homosexuals a pink triangle.”

I glanced at Jeanne.  Her features were stone.  Neither of my friends fit Hitler’s master race.  Bert was an Eskimo and Jeanne would wear a pink triangle.  The hollowness in my stomach went to a new depth.

We filed out of the women’s block and went to an identical building.  Peter stood aside as we entered.  I concentrated on the man in front of me much like I did walking to lunch in elementary school so I wouldn’t get out of line and into trouble.  When he stopped, I did too.

I looked past the man.  I wasn’t sure what I was seeing at first.  The room we were in was large but had been partitioned by a floor to ceiling wall of Plexiglas.  Behind the glass was a mountain of human hair.

Peter cleared his throat.  “The hair was shaved whether they were to live or die.  This is only a small portion of what was found.  Some of it had already been used.”

I thought, “Used?  For what?”

As if in answer to my question, Peter said, “It was woven into cloth for soldier uniforms and blankets.  As a reward, the guards would give us things like blankets and soap.  The soap was made from human fat.  My mother was a good woman.  When I came home with the gifts, she handed me a shovel.  I buried them in the yard late at night so no one would see.”  He led us to another room.

The room was smaller, but still partitioned by Plexiglas.  In it was a pile of eye glasses.  The next room contained personal items like hair brushes, next, religious items, and then one containing prosthetics.  Yet another room was shoes separated into adult and children’s.  Each thing was like a new punch in the gut as I realized these people were eliminated because they were different or weak, and yet despite being decades past the Holocaust we were still abusing those among us who didn’t quite fit.

“This is the last,” Peter said softly as he pointed to a doorway.  The last room was larger than most of the others, but not quite as big as the first.  Behind the Plexiglass were suitcases, all black, all with names and addresses written in white.  I imagined they were empty but had once contained the owner’s most prized possessions.

Bert bumped me and pointed to one of the suitcases at the bottom.  Printed in neat, white letters was the name Margot Frank.

Peter noticed us and said, “It is the suitcase of Anne Frank’s sister.  The family, except the father of course, died here.  Come, there is more I want you to see.”  Peter walked outside.

I wished we could stay where the sun was shining and the sky was a brilliant blue.  And I could breathe.

The next building displayed inmate photos as well as paintings and drawings done by the prisoners.  The pictures were taken upon arrival, one from the front and one from the side.  The subjects were fearful as if they were realizing where they were and what their future held.  There wasn’t the emotional vacancy I saw in the photos of the first building we visited.  They were yet to be broken.

From there we went to another building.  Large rooms were packed with wooden bunks, three beds high, no mattresses.  They were shelves for people.  Some had one ratty see through thin wool blanket, a bowl and a spoon laying on them.  Peter waved us in a new direction.

We went to an enclosed courtyard where they did role call and held public executions.  My only thought was how beautiful the red roses were in front of the shooting wall.  I was having a difficult time staying present.

Back on the road Peter said, “It is a beautiful day today isn’t it?”  I wanted so much for him to end there, but he didn’t.  “We had no days like today back then.  The sky was thick with smoke and ash fell like snow.  They say you can dig four meters before you find dirt instead of ash for kilometers around Auschwitz.  And if you find dirt then you will also find bones.”

The sound of my feet on gravel echoed in my head.  I heard only bits and pieces of what Peter said about the buildings we passed.  “-keep women for sex, medical experiments, cafeteria,” were a few words that floated into my conscious.  Then we stopped again.  It was the gas chambers disguised as showers.  Afterward, the crematorium.

“This is the end of my tour.  You are able to continue unguided to Birkenau if you choose.”

Jeanne and Bert looked to me.  After all, I was the one who wanted to come.  I shook my head.  I was done.  We began to walk toward the visitor’s center.

Bert said, “Coffee?”

“I’ll be right there,” I said.

I couldn’t believe I was doing it, but I approached Peter.  “Thank you for the tour.  We weren’t really with the group.”

Peter chuckled warmly.  “Really, three beautiful young women with a bunch of old people like me?  I didn’t guess.  You are from the United States?”

“Yeah.”

He glanced at the camera around my neck.  “Did you take photos?”

“No, I couldn’t.  It just seemed wrong or something.”

“Many people find it overwhelming.”

“Yeah, coming here was the most, well, I can’t really describe it.  It was the feeling-”  I put my hand on my chest. “I’m sorry I’m not making any sense.”

“These feelings you have is why I love to take young people on my tour.  I wish that young people who know will not allow it, or anything like it, to happen again.  Will you?”

“No sir. I-”

“What is it?”

“I haven’t been so nice, so tolerant.  I -”

Peter placed his hand on my shoulder.  “Right here is the only place to start change.”

There was so much I still wanted to say to him, promises I wanted to make to him, but all I could manage was, “Thank you.”

Three Things I Learned While Writing ‘Hey Get a Job!’

I wrote Hey, Get a Job! out of necessity.  I was teaching a course titled Technical Reading and Writing to ninth graders and the course curriculum was very vague.  My need for material was in the back of my mind as I talked one day with a friend who was the CEO of a small technology company.  She complained about the lack of job getting and job keeping skills in applicants fresh out of college.  It was then that I decided to add a job skills unit to my curriculum.  After all, there was plenty of technical reading and writing involved with employment.

I began researching for my unit, and unbeknownst to me at the time, Hey, Get a Job! was conceived as well.  During the process of researching and teaching teens about how to get and keep a job, I learned three things which drove me to write Hey, Get a Job!

1. I learned there are not many resources out there for teens seeking their first work experience.  You can find tons of stuff on employment for college graduates, adults seeking career changes, and even senior citizens wishing to return to the workforce.  But teens?  Not so much. What information for teens that is available is spread here and there.  Some of the most valuable tidbits are kept inside the brains of the employers who hire teens.  I know because I interviewed a bunch of them.  It makes one wonder how we could have left out this group.  Perhaps numbers two and three on my list will help explain.
2. I learned kids like to say they know everything, but in actuality, they don’t know anything.  The first time I assigned students to fill out a job application I received grumbles and those often heard words, “This is stupid, I already know how to do this.”  I did not teach the application, I didn’t even provide tips, hints, or don’ts.  What I got was a mass of applications that were unacceptable.  Teens didn’t know how to properly write their address (why would they, they email and text), education history became yes or no questions (YES, I want to attend college), strengths and skills prodded lists of things like the amount of weight one could bench press or the grade on an exam, and my personal favorite, the references they listed were their best friends.  This was just the application.  My students failed miserably at interviews and their knowledge was sorely lacking in regard to the things employers expect.  Do teens know how to get and keep a job like they say they do?  I think not.
3. I learned that adults often mistake a teen’s reluctance to get a job as laziness when it is actually that they are scared.  All kids like money, and believe it or not, the vast majority of my students wanted to earn their own money.  The problem for many of them, however, was that they were intimidated by the adult world of work.  We treat them like kids, we feed them, cloth them, make them do a few chores around the house, and then it seems to them that one day we say, “It’s time to grow up, find a job opening, apply, interview, act mature enough not to get fired and manage the money you make.”   It’s a change that many teens don’t believe they’re ready for and therefore resist.

My hope with Hey, Get a Job! is that it gives kids the comprehensive information they need to have the confidence to make a smooth transition from kids to young adults.  In our society, one of the most important rites of passage from child to adult is the first job.  How can we expect teens to successfully navigate growing up if we don’t provide the necessary tools?  Hey, Get a Job! is, in my biased opinion, a great tool for teens and their parents.

It is Time to Help Teens Find Jobs

As parents, when it comes to finding job openings that are suitable and legal for teens, your job is to act as a guide.  This article will discuss how to do be a guide while protecting your teen’s need for independence when it comes to finding work.

Labor Laws
As the parent of a teen, you should begin with labor laws.  Labor laws regarding minors were created for a child’s safety and to ensure their right to an education.  These topics should be paramount for parents as well.  I would like to say that all employers who hire teens are not going to break or ignore child labor laws, but I can’t.  There are those employers who are looking to save a buck and are therefore willing to overlook child labor laws.  Therefore, setting some ground rules for your teen’s employment should happen before a teen starts to look for a job.  Here are a few examples of those type of ground rules:

• Will not work for an employer who breaks labor laws.
• Will have to quit working if school grades begin to fall.
• Will put _____ % of each check into a savings account.
• Will keep certain days or times for family time.
• Will keep certain days or times for friends or activities.
• Will take on no more than ______ clients in your business.

You should think of the conditions of your teen’s employment.  Just because they are old enough to look for a job, doesn’t mean they aren’t still kids who need boundaries.

Where to Look
Parents can offer suggestions, brainstorm possibilities and help teens research job openings.  But, YOU CANNOT DO IT FOR THEM!!!   Parents should be hidden in this process because your teen must assert their independence if they hope to make it in the world of work.

• Use the Job Service.  One resource not used enough by teens is the Job Service.  The Job Service can put you in contact with employers your teen, or you, may not think of.  The Job Service will often do summer job fairs for teens in the spring and they also are abreast of any government programs available for teens.
• Let your teen use your connections.  Use your connections for your teen’s benefit.  But if your teen is going to learn about the employment process, he or she should fill out an application, or turn in a resume, and they should interview for the job.  Connections should be just that, connections.  Teens should not think of them as sure things.
• Be aware of your surroundings.  There is no law against simply applying at a business. If you are out and about with your teen, have him or her pick up applications, or once they have a master application, he or she can apply at a computer kiosk while you shop.  Do not hang out with your teen while they apply and do not pick up applications for them because he or she needs to appear independent.
• Being their own boss.  A teen’s desire to start a business should be a family one.  Parents should know what the time and/or financial commitment is for them .  What do they need from you – tuition for a babysitting or first aid class, equipment, money for fliers, etc.?  How many clients can they realistically take on and still maintain an appropriate academic level and time for social and family activities?  How much are they going to charge for their services?  Teens are still working on the ability to think ahead, particularly when an idea like making money excites them.  Parents need to help them look beyond the cash.  Parents should also screen possible clients.  Meet and talk with people who want to hire your teen.  Just because your teen is old enough to work, doesn’t mean he or she is too old to need a parent looking out for them.
• Consider volunteering.  In a down economy where jobs are scarce, if your family doesn’t need the money, consider volunteer positions for your teen.  Volunteering can be a great way to gain work experience.  Some possibilities for volunteer work are at:  hospitals, animal shelters, zoos, libraries, nursing homes, children’s programs and any organization with non-profit status.  Your teen will have to apply and interview for volunteer positions because, like employers, organizers don’t want to waste time on someone who won’t work out.  Volunteer work looks very good on applications for employment, college admissions and college scholarships.

A parent’s responsibility in the job process is to help them look for openings and ensure their teen isn’t getting into something that will prove harmful in the present or future.  Keep in mind, however, parents who overstep their role as a guide on important rites of passage such as getting a job may create a teen who refuses to grow up and be independent.  If you support your teen and act as a guide in this exciting endeavor you will get them started on the right foot to becoming a contributing member of society.

For more help, go to www.heygetajob.com.

When Your Kid is the Bully – An Interview

This is certainly a tough case, and of course, I wish the entire interview this mom gave, and mine as well, could have aired.

Nampa mom uses controversial punishment to stop son from bullying  Story | Posted: February 25, 2013

 

 

 

Follow the link to see the story:

http://www.kivitv.com/news/local/193144891.html

When the Bully is Their Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Know the signs

 

Nearly half of adult sex offenders report committing their first sexual offenses prior to the age of 18.  -National Teen Dating Violence Prevention Initiative

Half of the reported date rapes occur among teenagers. -National Teen Dating Violence Prevention Initiative

57% of teens know someone who has been physically, sexually, or verbally abusive in a dating relationship. -National Teen Dating Violence Prevention Initiative

Liz hadn’t even sat down in the counselor’s office before she burst into tears.  When she was able to speak Liz said, “I really liked my boyfriend at first.  I thought he was so cool because he’s older, out of high school and stuff.  Not too long after we started dating he told me he was going to pick me up after school.  I thought that was cool.  Then he insisted that he come and pick me up for lunch too.  O.K., but now he won’t let me go to any games or anything.  I’m not allowed to see my friends.  I hate it!”

“Did you tell him you wanted to spend time with your high school friends?”

“Yeah.  It made him really mad.  He didn’t hit me or anything, but he yelled and told me to quit being immature.”

“What about your parents?  Have you told them about the situation?”

“Sort of, but my parents really like him so they don’t understand.”

“Liz,” Mrs. Hendrickson said, “what do you want me to do to help you?”

Liz stood quickly.  “Nothing.  I guess I just wanted to talk.  I’ll take care of it.”  Liz bolted out the door.  Mrs. Hendrickson made a mental note to keep an eye on Liz.

Within two days, Mrs. Hendrickson was passing through the hall after lunch.  Outside the front doors she noticed Liz in a car out front with her boyfriend.  Mrs. Hendrickson stopped to watch.  Liz tried to move to the car door, but her boyfriend grabbed her arm and pulled her to him.  Liz was crying and the boyfriend was yelling. 

Mrs. Hendrickson saw enough.  She ran to the principal’s office and told him what was going on.  He grabbed the SRO and the three of them went to the car where Liz was being held captive. 

The principal and the SRO went to the driver’s side to escort the boyfriend into the office.  Mrs. Hendrickson opened the passenger door.  “Liz, come with me.” 

Liz was thankful for the help and the support she received.  She ended the relationship with her boyfriend.  Liz’s boyfriend agreed never to return to school property or speak to Liz again if there were no charges pressed against him.  He kept his end of the bargain, and Liz returned to being the fun-loving student everyone knew.

February is national teen dating violence awareness and prevention month. Dating abuse is a form of bullying, and perhaps the most confusing form of harassment for adolescents. After all, they are being abused by the person who supposedly loves them.

An estimated 1 in 3 teens in a dating relationship have been verbally, emotionally, sexually or physically abused.  Here are some things you can do to help teens in abusive relationships:        

• Don’t be the bystander.  Doing nothing will only encourage the harasser.

• Encourage the victim to talk to a trusted adult even if it’s not you.  If they don’t report and abuse persists or becomes severe, you have to take charge.

• What to say (open-ended questions):
  • What does your ideal relationship look like?  Is this relationship close to that ideal?
  • Do you feel respected in your relationship?  Why or why not?
  • Does your boyfriend/girlfriend make you feel good about yourself?
  • How are you going to get out of this relationship?
  • Who can you count on for immediate help?
  • Who are some adults you could go to if your boyfriend/girlfriend treats you badly?
  • How can I help you?

• What to do:
  • Model assertive relationships
  • Rehearse the break-up with the teen
  • Set age appropriate dating limits
  • Create a safety plan that includes places, people and resources that make the victim feel safe
  • Listen to the teen and guide (which is not giving advice) their decision making
  • Assure the teen they don’t deserve to be abused and real love doesn’t involve abuse
  • Encourage the teen to report or seek help from an adult they trust
  • Report the abuse to the authorities if you feel the teen is in physical danger

You may have noticed what you say or do does not include making them break up with their abusive boyfriend/girlfriend.  Trying to make teens do anything usually has the opposite effect.  A more effective strategy is to allow them to come to their own conclusion that the relationship isn’t good for them.  You can also let them know you are there for them and that you care first and foremost for their safety which may include reporting to protect them.